By Joe Barron
When I was 7 years old, my older brother took my best friend, John and I to see a movie we had no reason to be at. The year was 1994 and life was good. We were in second grade and had no cares in the world. There was no internet or cell phones. We made our own fun back then. Backyard games combining our favorite football players with Star Wars leads occupied our time. I was Troy Skywalker (Aikman was my hero back then) and John was Steve Solo (he worshiped Steve Young). We'd play outside until it got dark, making up storylines about space football and Jedis saving the day. We'd have sleepover parties, staying up until our eyes gave out watching Nickelodeon and writing letters to our favorite athletes, sharing secrets and trying to figure out what the fuck life was all about. It was so much simpler back then.
The movie that my brother took us to see that would consequently change my life and shape my entire sense of humor was Dumb and Dumber. To this day, I have not organically laughed in the theaters as much as I did on that Friday night. The special kind of laughs that are contagious and leave you hurting to breathe, praying for air. The type of laughs that make you live longer. The laughs you never forget. I can safely say that the quotables from that movie are part of my regular vernacular, a secret language that only the pure truly appreciate and understand.
Later that year, John showed me an album that was the epitome of that same comedic and youthful ethos. There were monkeys and people throwing shit everywhere.
We listened to his cassette tape every night before bed at sleepovers. It was the gospel of our youth.
I saved up my quarters, nickels, pennies, and dimes for months and bought my first cassette at the local Nuggets in the Coolidge Corner Atrium. I blasted that tape in a sandy, metal ghetto blaster all summer long at the beach with my older brother, trying to hit on chicks. Life was good.
20 years later and the sounds continue to resonate. I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life. I can barely make my rent. I sing in a rock n' roll band and write offensive, yet brutally honest lyrics. I still think poop and farts are the funniest thing known to mankind. 20 years later and I still haven't grown up. I just have a beard and have been laid a few times.
Tonight, I watched the highly anticipated debut of the Dumb and Dumber To trailer on Jimmy Fallon. My Drunk Nuns partner in crime, D said it was the only thing he could think of all day. How could something so juvenile and crude mean so much to us? This was our initial response:
D: Well that was kinda disappointing.
J: They are old. I really hope it's not just gags and cameos. That dust was pretty ridiculous though.
D: Yeah, it looks like they wanna save the really funny parts and not spoil them in the trailer. Yeah it was, no real hilarious parts though.
J: Maybe that's a good thing. Most comedies spoil all the good bits in the trailers these days. Carrey looks younger on tv than he has in years though. And he had a pink cell phone like me. Haha. This burger thing is hilarious. Hahahahahahahaha.
D: This makes me want Tasty [Burger].
J: Great camera cuts. If they made this a movie, I'd go see it.
D: Good high bit. Just emailed you another version I found online. They show more.
Below is the definitive version of the trailer. It's way better. The plot (yes, the original had a plot too) makes more sense and is far less disconnected in this trailer as well.
My super crush on Jennifer Lawrence (if anyone knows how to forward this article to her, please for the love of all that is good in life let her know I exist) has made me hopefully optimistic. When one of the biggest, most talented, and beautiful young actresses of our generation has gone on record to say she's is a super-fan of Dumb and Dumber, I know there's still hope for us losers. JLaw stars as a young Freda Felcher and I couldn't be happier.
Check out this test screen and tell me she's not the most incredible thing on the planet.
I still need a date for my friend's wedding August 1st if you're available, Jen. I promise we'll have a fun time.
Big gulps, huh? Welp. See ya later.
EDIT: 10/28/2014 Jennifer Lawrence is newly single, but only one girl has my heart now. She just doesn't know it yet... :)